dad told me to

My dad walked by just before and asked if I was writing on my blog. He seemed a little sad when I said no.
"Do you want me to blog?" was my response?
Apparently he "doesn't mind" if I do. So perhaps I will.

Unfortunately, I have no "big idea", no philosophic-sounding rant, no verbage, no flow...which begs the question, have I been spending so much time in the adminisphere that I am attempting to blog with no focus, purpose or point?

(I think I deserve points, both for 'begging the question' incorrectly, potentially driving some type-A people mad, and for using a made-up word...although I can't claim credit for it)

Instead, I will leave you with a set of random, made-up-on-the-spot thoughts...to make you think.
If they fail to make you think, at the very least they will have wasted a little of your time. And since I am time wasting now, you can rejoice in sharing a little of the burden of procrastination with me. Okay? Good.

1: what colour is your soul?

2: if you shout "SWINE FLU, SWINE FLU" loudly whenever anybody mentions it, you won't get swine flu. You might get a few dirty looks though.

3: I would like to meet the person who built our gas heater, and point out to them that it's not very heaty if your heater goes off and refuses to go back on again
(Corinna, if you don't reply to this one, I shall be very much surprised)

4: Crowded House's "Sister Madly" is a very strange song. Catchy though.

5: I've often what life would be like if we were all frogs. I mean, how would I play guitar?

6: To date, I have not created a single Facebook quiz. It's like I haven't lived...

7: If I don't want to read the bible, is that my badness levels ganging up on me, or is it just that sometimes the bible is incredibly hard to read?

8: Some of you have not yet seen the movie: Lilo and Stitch. That's one answer to the question: "ooooh...what is wrong with the world today?"

9. Have you ever noticed that it's generally acceptable to sing in the shower, but not in the toilet? Why is that?

10. Good, you're still reading. Now, to quote someone important... *look, a distraction!*


[have they gone yet? no? sheesh...okay. this is fair warning that my next post will be entirely in pidgin swahili, and i will be giving points to the most inventive translation. stay tuned...]

winter blues

"Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer..."
(William Shakespeare, Richard III)

Two things occur to me at this point in time.

1) winter gets a pretty bad rap
and
2) ...it so deserves it!

What good is there to say about winter? It's dark. It's cold. The trees look dead. It's wet and windy. People are sick. People are tired, and discontented.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Shakespeare links winter and discontent, for they go hand and hand, don't they?
I know there are a few people dotted around who think winter is glorious, who are revived by the bitter cold, and who would love nothing better than a mountain full of icy snow to ski around on and play in. Sometimes I wish those people would take themselves off to another planet and leave the rest of us to groan and moan about how dumb winter is.

And therein lies the point: discontent is not much fun.

Sometimes I see discontent as the "runner up" prize to life.
Oh well, if I can't have things the way I want, at the very least I will be discontented about it. Loudly discontented. I will update my status so that all of Facebook, nay, the whole INTERNET will know that things are not how I would like them to be. That'll show 'em.
I'll write a few emo songs, so I can wallow in the disappointment of unfulfilledness...and complain about the dang cold while I'm at it.
When someone asks how I am, I'll gaze off to the side and sigh a little. Then I'll say: "oh I'm ok", and then go all silent, inviting sympathy for the suffering that is my life.

Oh the pain. Oh the dashed hopes. Oh abandoned dreams and empty wishes...

What's really scary is that those thoughts are actually pretty close to the truth.
There are some days when all I do is ache for things to be not as they are. Even if I'm enjoying myself, things could always be better.

If I had it my way, I would have everyone I love in one place, all with plenty of time to spend on me.
Only, I like my space too, so they'd also have to disappear the moment I wanted them to.
I would be home, where I love to be, but also not home...because home is not very adventurous.
I would be safe, and with people I know and trust...but I'd also be on my own, meeting new people and seeing exciting sights.
Things would be comfortable, but not boring. It would be not hot, not cold, not a dull temperature. I'd dress nice, but not too nice....and you get the picture.

Not even the dream world that I'm painting in my head would be good enough.
I mean honestly, if all the people I loved were in one place, it would be a) pretty crowded and b) pretty confusing. It would be a re-run of my 21st birthday, where I tried to fit a hundred people in my house at one time, and give all of them all my attention. It wasn't a complete disaster, but I remember doing a lot of going up and down stairs, and having half-finished conversations, promising to "come right back"....which I never did.

When will I learn that it's never going to be good enough? Even if one day it IS good enough, what makes me think that I'd recognise perfection?
The grass is always greener...you don't know what you've got till it's gone...blah blah blah.

The danger with discontent is that it leaves no room for fun.

I want room for fun. Dang it, I want a room FULL of fun. I want to enjoy my life. I don't want to spend it constantly wishing I was somewhere else, with someone else, doing something else. Where's the fun in that?

I don't think it's a bad thing to miss people, or to celebrate the good in things from the past. I don't think it's a bad thing to dream about things that you want to happen.
But it's a terrible thing to miss out on the good that is happening now. It's like being robbed. Suddenly your happiness is in someone else's hands, instead of your own.

So...here are some things I like right now:

1. My warm bed.
Yeah, so I do worry about being 27 years old, and still living at home, but I DEFY anyone who's flatting to have a house as warm as mine right now. It's toasty baby. While it lasts, I'm gonna enjoy it.

2. Having a job.
I don't always like my job, nor do I think I'm particularly effective in my job... but I have one.
And I work with some cool people, who I would miss terribly if I was sitting at home all day.

3. Letters in the mail.
I got a letter from one of my sponsor kids yesterday. I visited her in April, and got to meet her family. While I was there, I told her how I loved getting a Christmas card from her in English this one time (cos they normally speak/write in the local Malawi language, Chichewa).

This time she'd written me a whole letter in English, and basically said that the day of my visit would be fixed in her mind forever. She said thanks for the presents I brought, and that she was playing with the netball I gave her all the time. And that her mum said hi. How cool is that?!

Life is good. As a good friend said once, it's a gift that you can't give back: you might as well enjoy it while you have it.

So tell me, what do you like about your life right now?

slackness

For those of you wondering if this blog has died...well, yeah, it's been awhile since I did a decent post.

I'm not sure how it happened, but I seem to have about 50% less time and energy, despite making sure I had about 50% less commitments on my return to NZ. Strange how that works...

I blame winter. It makes me feel cold and slack, and I never needed an excuse to procrastinate :)

On a positive note, I did manage to share about my trip at church one night, and apparently it went okay. I am glad nobody taped it, cos I reckon it was pretty rambly. If you want a more coherent testimony, check out my writeup on the
All Saints website.

In the meantime, I'm still working my way slowly through my to-do list, and trying to keep up writing my journal of memories, before I forget entirely!
That, and obsessively watching and listening to happy Kenyan music, cos it makes me feel less cold, heheh:

shout out to mums

If you're reading this and you're a mum, have a *high five* for being awesome!

If you're reading this, and you want to be a mum, have a *look of absolute disbelief*...

hehehe, kidding.

Mums are amazing, let's celebrate them. Quick shoutout to my Malawi Mum in Blantyre, Monica. Even though she won't be reading this, I want to remember how cool she is. Also, a shoutout to Mama Lucy in Gathiga, Kenya, who is mum to at least 60 kids right now, possibly more. Wow.

In case you're wondering, my real mum gets more than a shoutout. She gets her own post.
See below... :)

dear mum

Happy Mothers' Day!

Sorry this isn't a card. I'm still quite unorganised, as you can see, hehe.

Mum, you are awesome.
And I'm not saying that because it's mother's day and it's expected.
You really are an amazing mother.

I always knew that, but there are two things that confirm it for me right now.

1. I compare you with what I know of other mums

Yes, there are some amazing mums out there. But there are also some mums that just don't get what it is to be intimately connected with their child, for life. Some of them want to throw in the towel early. Some of them never seem to take up the challenge at all. Some of them offer care, but not love and affection.
Not you.
I think, in a mothers' showdown, you would win by a thousand country miles!
(well, as my mother you would, at least).

2. Your strength, and how it's always there for other people

I can't believe I thought you would find it tough having your daughter in Africa, especially when things went wrong. The lioness in you really came out; I should have known it would, because it always does. And I remember how you encouraged ME, telling ME how well I was doing!
You always offer me your strength.

I guess the message that gives to me is that I need to return the favour.
Because i see you struggling with things, and it's hard to keep going because all your strength is for other people.

So let me tell you what a bloody fantastic job you're doing at coping with a very painful hand injury, a stressful job, and a body that seems to pack up on you all the time, even though you do all the healthy things you're supposed to. Stupid health. Throw rocks at it.

Anyways.
Mum, you are incredible.

You are beautiful. Gorgeous, in fact. Ask anyone!

And you are one of the most Christ-like people I know.

I love you so much.

Thanks for being my mum.
Sarah xx

spot the mzungu...

Hi people! I came back. I need to write a LOT of stuff up about my trip to Kenya, Malawi and Tanzania. It was an amazing adventure. I think I experienced about every possible emotion you can: happiness, sadness, fear, confusion, delight, amazement, frustration, depression, euphoria, contentment, love, anger, peace, torment...the list goes on.

I think I wrote a status update on Facebook that said: "it's impossible to be lukewarm about Kenya. It's love and hate in pretty equal parts."
That was true of everywhere I went, really.

Except that the hate was directed more at situations rather than people. It convinces me more than anything else that this world is screwed up and only God can fix it. And that we have a big job to do. And it's all worth it! If I could get back on a plane tomorrow and see the friends I made, even for only half an hour, I think I'd do it. Maybe because I'm used to travel now and haven't settled down, hehe. Ask me again in a week :)
But seriously, these people are amazing. Friendly, helpful, loving: I've had more than one person drop everything just to help me out. It's an honour and a challenge. What am I going to drop to help them? In this world of hot showers and smooth roads and abundant food...police who give a damn and fast internet and learning that comes so much for free... medicine and sick beds and so little corruption... We are a soft people on the outside, but I think inside we have a resolve that none of us realise. I think I found mine in Africa, and I want to keep it.

Right. Enough seriousness, it's time to get silly. Because one thing I have SERIOUSLY missed while I was away was randomness, in-jokes, and the fun conversations I had regularly with you guys. I watched a LOT of Flight of the Conchords on the plane, and I think it kept me sane.

My awesome levels are starting to rise, thanks to some amazing friends who know just what I need. SKITTLES!!!! Simon, I'm missing a certain blue elephant friend and his mates...will I see them on Sunday?
If you ask nicely, I'll show you how you can turn the Anglican two-step into a choreographed dance move. I think you need to be African to do it well, but it might make you laugh. I really need to learn how to dance...

Ooh, smart people, help me out here: does anyone know if you can extract the video part of a file that's been saved as a picture? My camera cards were stolen along with my camera, but before that happened, I transferred all my photos onto my memory stick. It's just that the videos don't appear to be videos anymore. If anyone knows whether it's possible to convert the files and get them to play, that would be SO COOL! If not, sawa sawa (it's all good). I could easily have left Africa with no photos at all, so I'm pretty darn blessed to have any.

Ooh, and New Zealand music month!! I'm getting pretty excited about it. Cos we really do have some great stuff, wish I'd brought some on my trip.
In honour of May and NZ music, here's one of my favourites, Bruce Conlon. This is a pretty good video I reckon, from his album Audience of One



For Eight fans, the album Moving is now available on iTunes too. Awesome. If nothing else, have a listen to the song "Warm". I think it's their best. Feel free to disagree with me :)

asante sana squashed banana...
I need to go watch the Lion King

...it's the ciiiiiiircle of life, and it moves us alllllll....
...hakuna matata!
(incidentally, people did actually use that term on me, for real, in Tanzania. So cool).



PS: between now and when I start actually telling you about the trip, you can check out these websites:

I volunteered at the Gathiga Children's Hope Home (an orphanage in Kenya), and there's a website that a previous volunteer made to fundraise for the orphanage called Jump for Joel.
The Kenyan NGO I worked for is called Fadhili Helpers and is run by a bunch of late 20s-early 30s guys who are amazing, fantastic, hilarious people.
If you wanna hear from their director, James, check out this podcast.

And, of course, there's World Vision and child sponsorship to check out. You can expect me to wax lyrical about that in the very near future. My visit to my sponsor kids was one of the happiest days of my life, and I'd recommend child sponsorship to anyone and everyone! Do it!! :)

PPS: "mzungu"=white person. As we walked or drove around, there would always be children shouting "mzungu!" and waving delightedly as we passed. It's strange not to be a celebrity anymore ;)

Goodbye

No, I haven't finished packing. Yes, I realise it's kinda important ;) We'll get there.

I have no idea how often (if at all) I'll be able to update this blog, but I'll do the best I can.

See you in six weeks.

huggies xx

huggies likes a boy band..?

...what is wrong with the world?

To be fair, it's a Kenyan boy band. Maybe that's the appeal.
I dunno. Maybe I've just become more girly.

Things I like about this video:

1. it sounds good
2. the boys are "cute" (guys, read "dashing" or "awesome")
3. the video tells a nice story...which is good when you can't understand the words!

I mean, check it out: boys building / setting up a special cafe hangout, then hand grinding coffee and putting on a special concert just for the girls they want to hang out with. Awwwwww.



I think I'm going to forgive myself for the lameness...just this once. But if I start to go wild for Boyzone, N'Sync or whatever the latest flavour of mainstream boyness is, somebody shoot me.